told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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