Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
