also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
