My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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