So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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