Are we in a gay sports bar?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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