When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
