We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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