So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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