u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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