I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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