i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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