Plan B is the new Plan A
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
