my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
