The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
