oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I don't deserve a penis
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize