Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
