I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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