He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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