That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
