I just made out with a guy for $7.
Say something about gay babies.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
