this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
