just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
