I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
