I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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