people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
