..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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