Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
