Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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