My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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