toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
