i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
