The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
