BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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