How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
