I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
