How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
