i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
