after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
