your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
