He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
