This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
