Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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