My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
