WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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