you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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