the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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