I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize