If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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