I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
