I met the friendliest cop last night
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
