May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
