I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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