hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize