Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
