The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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