Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
