I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i drank out of a bidet.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
