You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
