addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
