I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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