Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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