Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
