I just pynch a tree in the face
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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