i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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