like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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