End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
