Porn is love you can see.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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