Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Randomize
