im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
