Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize