I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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