I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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