forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I AM VODKA MAN
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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