There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize