I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
