i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
