what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
