Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
