theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
