I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
