Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
